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Why?

Had another sleepless night. BB Seth was practically waking up every half and hour since past 12 midnight. I breast fed him and back he goes to sleep. However, after awhile, he starts to fidget and scratch his head, move around. I was in a zombied mode till 3am! Getting so pissed with what had happened. Even questioned myself is it that my milk isn't filling for him. Olive Tree woke up. He commented that Seth needs to drink milk. I said, I gave him already but he still behave this way. I am in a foul mood and retorted Olive Tree, if you think that my breast milk isn't sufficient for Seth, go heat up the ebm (Expressed Breast Milk) and feed Seth then.

He did as told. Took quite awhile as needs to sterilise bottles. (See, the inconvenience of bottle feeding!) Anyhow, I changed Seth's Diaper as it was wet. I was pretty mean, (I feel damn bad about it) wanting to wake Seth up and see what he wants. But the little one just carried on his sleepy mode. Hiaz. After past 20 minutes, Olive Tree came in with the heated ebm and gave Seth. As per my prediction, Seth was not hungry. So again, another ebm wasted. I am flustered and asked Olive Tree to drink the ebm himself! Olive Tree did help to get BB Seth back to sleep when he starts with his fidgeting. I was on the brim of desperation that I almost wanted to do a exorcism! "Cast out the scratching demon in him!" The scars BB Seth inflicted on his head is heartache and more heartaches.

Woke up in the morning after having only slept for 4-5 hours only, obviously in a lull mood. Told mom that I am not having lunch and going out. She question me, where I am going blah blah blah. I am fine with her asking me where I am going. But then I cannot stomach the fact that she always BLESSED my outing with negative talks?!

"Always go out, what so nice about going out?"
"Later driving, caught in jam, Seth's grouchy, then you deserve it!"
"Edward need to drive to work, you ALWAYS use the car, make him so inconvenienced!"
"......"

I can understand a caring nature of her but why is it that she has to always instill negative thoughts in me that something bad will always happened if I go out? It's getting very much on my nerves. Having a sleepless night and morning with nonsense talk, I can't tahan man!!!

I give thanks for Christ in me, otherwise, I will have such a bleak and negative aspect of life, being brought up in this way. Can't stop my rants but I have to. Time to get prepared to go out soon.

Jesus will bless our day beautifully and with favors all around!

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